Sick and tired of the Photoshop

I’m sick and tired of the Photoshop, as it goes in the song…

No, really. I’m sick and tired of editing and liquefying bodies. Chasing perfection that doesn’t really exist. Preaching body positivity, when 90% of my fine art nude portfolio contains bodies and skin additionally manipulated in post-production.

I’m tired of it. Of faking it. Of pretending it not that bad. Or excusing my behaviour with “everyone else does it”. We are not perfect, our bodies are not perfect. Never were, never will be. They are perfectly imperfect , unique, and that’s the beauty of it. How our bodies look has to do with our genes and lifestyle, not of the technical abilities of media professionals.

I’ve been thinking A LOT on the subject for the past several days. What is my work about and how do I present it? Why do I keep retouching bodies, including mine, when I know how harmful this could be to the self-esteem and self-acceptance of the individual. Especially to women.

We’re living in a world where beauty has turned into a plastic-perfect-machine-reproduction result, making us feel not good enough in every aspect of our life. Aren’t we created as we were on purpose? Aren’t we different on purpose? Don’t we have an individual work to do here that is more important than the size of our dress and the brand of our anti-aging cream?

I know I’m not alone in this. I’m sure you have thoughts like this too. And I’m sure part of you thinks your body is not suitable enough for a fine art photo session. Part of you still thinks all those public imagery and celebrity reels are the truth of what human bodies ‘must’ look like. I know, because I’m in that train of thoughts too.

I’ve been a photographer and retoucher for 16 years now, with a close specialisation in artistic nude photography for the past 14. Yet this is the first time where I’m really close to just flip the table and shout: “Basta ya!!”

I have women all around me - family, friends, their children, online followers I don’t even know in person. What is my message? Why do I say to all those unique, beautiful women: “My darling, you’re one of a kind, but let me liquify your waist so you can look like the man-made social standard.” No, this is a hypocrisy and I better stop pretending I’m doing all of us a favour.

It’s time to turn the mirror toward me again. What is the relation I have with my body? What have I builded for the past 34 years, through the whole variety of experience and all the opportunities to learn, accept and get to know myself better. I know how to deliver a professional product, based on that man-made beauty standard, but can I fully reveal my flaws and encourage other women like myself to really love themselves for who they are the way they are? Haven’t we had enough of self hatred and comparison? Isn’t life something to be enjoyed rather than feared we won’t pass through the beauty control?

I know the ego game is never ending, but are we really victims of it or it’s just the easier choice? Can we learn to enjoy and be happy in our everchanging, ageing, marked by life and experiences but super intelligent body?

Nude VS Naked

In some languages, like my native Bulgarian for example, there aren't different words for nude and naked. But in fact there is a substation difference in the feeling and exposure of the body in each of those.

Naked is considered more of a biology expression, presenting an unclothed body, mainly understood in a sexual way.

Nude, on the other hand, is the look of the body in an artistic, more conceptualised way. A form of expression that puts aside the sexuality to present the forms and shapes of the body as an art piece.

Both are often mixed and the line between them is very thin. Sex, we all know, is something that sells, something that catches our attention immediately due to our prime instincts. However, this should not affect the desire to separate them and present the obvious differences.

Female body is created with shapes and forms to be admired. A living, unique art piece that deserves to be celebrated. To capture the female body as an art piece is not the same as images aiming to cause arousal. The reproductive abilities of the body aren’t what art nude is about. In fact is nothing like it.

Artistic nudes aim to present the art that the body is. They point on the textures, forms and colours as naturally as it is done with every other subject of art.

The world has always had two sides of the coin - desire, led by the animal instinct and admiration, of the subject in more thoughtful way. How we perceive the visual information that passes through our attention is our individual opinion.

Fine Art Photographic Prints

As physical beings we are drawn to physical objects where we understand it or not. Despite the all digitalisation around us, we will continue to crave the physical, something we can touch and feel. Like a kiss - there is a difference between a digital kiss and a kiss in real life. Would you agree?

The different experience is what differentiates the two. Sam with art, same with photography - we might all beautiful photographs on our phone, but somethings in the air changes when we have it printed, in our hands, experiencing it. First person contact with our senses.

Despite using digital photography as my main medium, I can’t avoid the feeling of the physical objects. I offer different sized Fine Art Photographic Prints. They are mainly selected photographs, part of my personal ongoing work called ‘Portraiture of the Self’. An art therapy through emotional portrait of the Self.

The Fine Art Prints are carefully printed on Hahnemühle Photo Rag® Bright White 310gr paper. This is a light white art paper made from 100% cotton. The soft felt structure and soft hand feel of Photo Rag® give each print expressive depth and three-dimensionality. Combined with the premium matte inkjet coating, it is capable of producing striking prints that inspire admiration with luminous colors, deep black and exceptional detail reproduction. In addition, the high degree of whiteness of the paper allows high contrast motifs to be reproduced with a special shine.

You can visit the Store here.

Do you listen to your body?

Do you listen in the silence of your own? Are you ever in enough silence to hear? And if you do hear, do you follow up or ignore?

The body.. One of my main subjects in my work and in my own personal life. All the beauty I see and intent to capture, mixed with all the challenges I’ve faced with and within my own. A diary I will probably write until the end.

Our magnificent, intelligent bodies are guiding us, telling us what we need to know in every moment. Unfortunately, we don’t always listen. Rather the contrary - we try to numb the feelings, so we can escape either responsibility or the acknowledgement that we need to make a change of some sort. Here is one example - the anxiety.

I didn’t know when it appeared in my life, but I do know now I’ve tried many times to numb the fearful feeling through physical or emotional substances. To only end up hurting myself more. Why do I this? - I asked myself so many times. I’m yet not sure, all I know is that photography has helped me many times up to this day.

In creation we loose idea about time, space and fear. Preset moment eliminates anxiety, it focuses your mind, giving you the space and security of the present. We’re often so lost in the past of in the future, that we forget to pay attention to the only moment we actually have - the now. I know you’ve heard this before, but do you practice it?

Here is me now, writing this with an anxious heart. My body is not calm, my mind is afraid. All I know is I’m not alone, maybe you’re accompanying me now or can relate to it. Why don’t we listen more? Why don’t we believe in our own body intelligence and guidance to show us what to do, who to love, what to trust and where to go? We tent to trust in others that have no idea how we feel or what we dream about.

Don’t let the fear stops you, don’t let it freeze you. Listen to your body, it knows you better than you think. Trust it, as it’s the only body that will never betray you, the only one that will be there for you always. The one that holds the guidance and support you need to go through life.

Self Portraiture as Self Discovery

Like many artists, I started my photography journey drawn to fire art photography. I remember the time when I was looking for an image on Google that can represent my emotions and moods on a Skype profile image. Something that can fit in square and tel others with no words what’s on my mind. I know it sounds a bit odd, maybe more than a bit, but this is actually how it all started. That was when I made the decision to pursue photography, a visual representation of my emotions. Women and nudes were my favorite subject from day one.

I began with self-portraiture as I couldn’t explain to anyone else how to feel my emotions, and mainly because those images were created in the privacy of my own. Also I wanted to be the sujbect on in the frame, but felt too shy and unworthy to ask somebody to photograph me. I discovered, working by yourself with yourself is a very intimate act of creation and benefitial in many ways. Even one extra person in the room will make it a shared experience instaed. Even though sometimes I wish I had an extra arm or a pair of eyes to make the process a bit easier, that gives me an opportunity to expand my capabilities and creativity further. I shot when I needed, always honest and somehow dark.

Self Portrait, 2010

In the beginning, I didn’t know where this is going, I was just playing. Now, 12 years later I can say that self-portraiture has become my rehabilitation center, my therapy, and way of going through life. It is my save boat and best friend. I have documented my rawest experiences and emotions.

It is an amazing act of self-focus. Self-discovery and self-realization. I can’t imagine to ever stop or deprive myself of such a gift. And if you haven’t tried yet - go and make some, see how you feel after. I’m curious and I’d love to know how you get on.

Hourglass. Self Portrait 2020